Everyone knows 'The Bachelor' as television ripe with drama, wine and over-the-top statements that may make your brain explode.
This week was no exception with declarations from women that would scare the ordinary person.
We began yet another Monday watching Sean Lowe pump his guns without a shirt on. They left the shower out this week — too bad.
"I find myself digging a lot of women," Sean first said to the camera.
Yeah, Sean, we all know that by the amount of kissing you've done lately. There are 16 lucky (crazy) women remaining on Sean's over-sized plate of potential love.
The first date card arrived and Lesley M. was the fortunate lady picked by Sean.
"How long will this love last?" the card read. Well, by looking at all other Bachelor "relationships," I would give it around 11 months tops.
Sean took Lesley to the Guinness World Records Hollywood to which she remarked, "I really didn't think we would be coming here. This date is so different than I expected. "
Well, Lesley, tell us how you really feel. Geeeesh.
Good boy Sean showed Lesley a record his father set and told her they were going to try to set a record of their own: longest on-screen kiss.
Nothing says intimate more than an extremely long kiss in front of cheering and clapping strangers on a street, but that's just me.
Host Chris Harrison said they needed to kiss longer than three minutes and 15 seconds to beat the record. Wait, that's it? Isn't that just a typical night in the house for Sean?
The two broke the record (not like it was hard) and moved on to the second part of the date on the rooftop of the Roosevelt Hotel where they traded information about high school and parents and ... Oh, sorry — they lost my attention somewhere in there.
Lesley went in for the kiss and Sean scared us all with an up close view of his mouth.
Meanwhile, the group date card arrived and Kacie, Robyn, Leslie H, Kristy, Catherine, Deseriee, Amanda, Lindsay, Daniella, Jackie and Tierra were invited to "win Sean's heart."
"I'm really glad I'm not on the group date because I have a feeling it's something with activity," AshLee said. I know what you're thinking; that statement must be a joke. Well, no, it's real.
The group heads to the beach to frolic in the sand in their multicolored bikinis and tanning lotion. Great play, Sean — you can see all the girls in their bathing suits and at the same time show off your pecks — AGAIN.
While everyone else is playing around half-naked, an awkward Chris Harrison shows up completely clothed to shake things up on the date.
Chris informs the group they will divide into two groups and play each other in volleyball for the chance to stay with Sean on the second part of the date. The losing team will go home immediately.
Claws came out! (Don't pop the volleyball, ladies!)
The game was neither interesting nor pretty as the girls are certainly not the athletic type.
"This volleyball game is the most important game of my life!" Taryn exclaimed.
I seriously hope she was drinking before that statement. She wins the melodramatic award for the night. The game turned to tears as the blue team came away with the victory and the red team was sent packing.
Kristy couldn't even keep it together long enough to get into the car to take them home. She burst into tears on the beach and was mostly incoherent as she tried to explain something about chasing and being exhausted.
We all got lost somewhere between the sniffles.
Abs (Sean) took the winning team to his bachelor house and hung out with them (kissed all of them while the others watched in the background).
Desiree showed off her "confident" side to Sean as she talked about herself being awesome, which is awesome. Just kidding, it's not.
While the tension was building between confident Desiree and darkly odd Amanda, Kacie took her opportunity to get in good graces with Sean.
She pulled him aside and explained to him that she isn't the type to start drama — by intentionally starting drama. Who else thought this will not end well for her?
"I don't think think [Sean] will tolerate drama so I'll use that to my advantage and I'll be a little selfish," Kacie said.
She told Sean that she felt like she had been punched in the face because she is in the middle of an awkward tension with Desiree and Amanda.
Meanwhile, Sean was looking at her like she was completely insane and she continued her case.
"Why are you saying something to me? They both seem fine and neither one has said anything to me. Why are you involving yourself? Why focus your attention on it?" Sean said.
Kacie stared at him for an awkwardly long time when Sean suddenly laughed and said, "I want you to act like Kacie, not the crazy person I am seeing."
Did he just call her crazy? He actually called her crazy. I'm starting to have a newfound respect for this guy.
The entire situation blew up in Kacie's face, and I would have a hard time believing that any viewer felt sorry for her.
Lindsay ends up getting the rose on the group date because
she obviously impressed Sean with her willingness to kiss for more than a record three minutes.
AshLee is up for her one on one date and Tierra has to be herself and ruin it for her early on.
She fell down the stairs, which seemed serious, but was only funny after she was obviously fine and just trying to get attention from Sean.
She told the paramedics she was fine and forced them to let her get off the stretcher. She then magically healed and jumped up to hang out with Sean while AshLee stood by watching.
Finally, Sean and AshLee left for their date after the Tierra drama and headed to Six Flags, where the park was shut down for the two.
The date took a cute twist, I'll admit it, when Sean talked about his love for charity work and has two chronically ill girls join them on their amusement park date.
After the park, Sean took AshLee on the next part of their date where AshLee told him (a guy she has known for less than a week) her entire life drama. TMI, Ashlee.
At the end of the date, AshLee got the rose and lived happily ever after, until next week, when she probably leaves the house crying.
The cocktail party was in full swing when Sean basically needed a friend to hand him a bat to knock aggressive drunk girls off of him.
Where is Chris Harrison when you need him?
Desiree and Tierra went back and forth stealing Sean from each other which was pretty entertaining until the greatest part of the night happened.
The girls lined up and with rose in hand, Sean pulled Kacie outside suddenly to talk with her. He told her that he had too much respect for her to make her sit through a rose ceremony. He couldn't see her in any other way than just as a friend.
BOOM! Roasted. The friend zone hurts, sorry Kacie.
Sean sent Kacie packing along with Taryn and Kristy. It wasn't too much of a bummer letting them go considering they weren't huge players in the show anyway. Next time you need to be more crazy, ladies. Just look how far Tierra will go!
Next week looks like it could get even more interesting. Who thinks Tierra will fake another injury?
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